YES YOUR WORDS HURT!!!!!

In lieu of some recent events surrounding me I am inspired to write. We have all heard the catchy little phrase about “sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. That’s the biggest lie of all the lies out there. Words are more powerful than anything else I can think of. Once spoken they cannot be unspoken. There is no eraser or rewind to take back a hurtful word. And words hurt, worse than sticks and stones. I think I would rather be hit with sticks and stones sometimes. Words hurt now, and again and again and again. Words stick. Ten, Twenty, Thirty, or Fifty years from now, you will have a moment when you remember something someone said to you as a child that hurt your feelings that you never really forget. Something painful enough to remember even if you didn’t really want to. Even if you tried to forgive, and become best friends with the person whom spoke them. In the back of your mind, that one time you heard something hurtful- sticks with you.

Mom always said, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I tried to remember that and speak a lot less. I wasn’t so sure that my siblings applied that same thought process sometimes. My oldest brother was as mean as the best of them. He threw nicknames at me so often I don’t recall him speaking my real name…. I was the witch, devil woman, evil, or Marie Laveau’ (A famous Voodoo Witch). There were songs about me- Devil with the Red Dress On, Witchy Woman, and Yeah even Marie Laveau’. My middle name was changed from Eve to Evil. All these things stuck with me, I remember them so well. I know every word to every song. My oldest brother passed away when I was 12 years old. I love him because he was my brother, because I chose to remember the fun times we had together and try to ignore the mean things he said to me. “My bones are rubber and your mean words bounce off of me and back to you”, was a mental image I tried to maintain to keep the peace for mom and for the love I had of my brother and spending time with him. The many fond memories that developed because I chose to ignore him most of the time really seemed to help now that I look back on it. But I haven’t forgotten…..

I told my children this morning how much that hurt my feelings when he said mean things. They never got to meet their uncle, but they hear about him often. And as I told this story about his hurtful words, a tear escapes my eyes and they asked me not to cry. Once spoken, hurtful words CANNOT BE TAKEN BACK. They stick, and they will hurt forever. Sometimes they stop hurting so much. Sometimes they start hurting others….

My daughter has been dealing with a rather frustrating bullying situation at her school for the past 2-3 years. There are days when she comes home and cries unstop because of the words her classmates said to her. It drives me crazy- I mean like MOM ABOUT TO GO WILD UP IN THERE CRAZY – which she wants to try to handle this situation on her own, one day at a time. I only hope that she has the strength to be like rubber, and try to bounce off or push those hurtful words so far back in her mind, that they won’t come up again anytime soon, and she can proceed with teenager duties, of surviving another day of school, maintaining decent grades, eating me out of house and home, and sharing her beautiful spirit with everyone around her. It’s all I can do when I am holding her sobbing to resist a talk with a school official, or another student’s mother. Perhaps this letter will reach them as well. Perhaps this letter will reach the students shouting profanities at my kid. Perhaps they will hear what I am saying, and perhaps not. But I bet you years from now, one part or another of this letter will come up in everyone that reads it, lives.

My boyfriend, whom I love and loves me very much, lives with us. He helps pay the bills, he cooks and washes the dishes. I am so lucky to have found this man, he makes me very happy. My children are happy for the most part. They enjoy him being around and laugh at his stories and jokes. We all enjoy his many talents and the joy he has brought into our household. But one kid is a bit more reserved and often switches his attitude from great and happy you are here, to why are you even here. The kid often says hurtful words, sometimes I don’t hear, but most of the time I do. This makes me question myself? Have I been a living example enough to show my children the effects of kindness? Why is my kid shouting such mean things to this person I also care so much for? This situation continues and I have no revelation to date. But I want to share this letter with the kids and hope that part of it sticks with them. I want them all to know how hurt my boyfriend is. I want them to know how hurt I am because they are so mean to a person I care about. I want them to know that I hurt when they hurt because I care about them too!

A good friend told me a story about a t-shirt they had worn to school one day with a rock band on it. A classmate ridiculed my friend saying they didn’t know anything about that band, and shouldn’t be wearing that shirt. This friend has never forgotten that, still has the shirt. Has become friends with the person whom now even looks up to my friend for how far they have come. Did I mention, my friend still has the shirt?

Words don’t have to hurt. If we do like momma said and don’t say it if it isn’t nice we will all be a lot better off! The friend who has the t-shirt- the bully came back and said you really have come so far, and done something with your life. You are cool, you inspire me. I’s so happy to get to see you. I heard this with my own ears. I saw the smile on my friends face and knew the memories that flooded my friend’s thoughts, I knew that pain had become a little lighter, but I also knew it was still there ever so subtly.

I’m human too. Sometimes I still say things that hurt even though I try so very hard not to. I try so hard to be an example of kindness to everyone or anyone but especially my children. I try to show them that kindness is the way to happiness. That despite someone being mean to me, I still show kindness to the best of my ability. I always try to only speak good kind words. I leave very little opportunity for hurtful words to slip out, because it hurts me too. I always feel awful about saying mean things to others. It eats me up inside. And if I have no words, I will always have a smile for you.

Working at a doctor’s office for nearly a decade proved many encounters with cranky sick or in pain patients. Sometimes it was soooo hard to be kind to some of these people, aggravated with you because there are no appointments available. Or because you haven’t gotten their prescriptions ready yet. I had to laugh under my breath, because one patient who was pretty mean to me was in the same store last week looking at some rugs. I went over and helped lift the rugs up so this patient could get a better look. We spoke about the colors, the prices, and how silly it was for the rugs to be stacked like this. What if the rug you wanted just so happened to be on the bottom???? As we chatted the patient recognized me I feel certain. But we bid each other a Merry Christmas farewell, and the patient smiled a little at me. Something I honestly thought that patient may have been incapable of doing! Another patient another time encountered me in a store, stating there’s that beautiful smile. I haven’t seen you in years, but I will never forget that smile. You have always been so kind to me, so good at what you do. Comforting and helpful. You just keep on smiling!

That’s an example of good words that stick with you longer than those hurtful ones, and in a better perspective. Because of that patient’s kindness to me and simply mentioning my smile, I now smile nearly all the time. I really feel like that was a big inspiration of who I have become today.

Paying it forward, and the Ripple effect, all these projects you’ve heard of to initiate kindness to those around us whether it be friends, families, co-workers, classmates, children or even strangers have the same basic message. Be kind, share kindness, speak uplifting and motivating words, share smiles, help one another, love one another, and love all.

Be Love, Be Happiness, Be what you want to see in others.

And if the golden rule “Do Unto others as you would have them do to you.” Doesn’t seem like the exact message you’re aiming for, then Do GOOD, in time Goodness will be returned. But don’t stop and wait for it either, just keep doing it.

And don’t say nothing, not a thing, nothing at all!!!! If you have nothing nice to say.

Shhhhhhh………..

Only kind words and shares welcomed here please.

Say something you will want someone to remember forever and smile about over and over.